How the BCS has victimized you and your school

WHY AM I A VICTIM?

This page is intended for the benefit of the uninformed or the unitiated. If you already recognize the absurd and superficial nature of the current "Championship" system, you certainly have our permission to move on to the more important task of resolving the current dilemma (Hint: Get your number). For the rest of you, you would probably do best to read this while sitting down. And, no, we are not kidding about the derelictions we are about to retell. This is the way things really work in NCAA Division I football in 2006:

There are presently 11 conferences in Division I football, and these have been divided by the all-knowing Powers-That-Be into the annointed six Haves (literally called the "BCS conferences") and the five Have-Nots (titled the "Non-BCS Conferences"). The BCS conferences start every year with a guaranteed representation in the National Championship game, while the Non-BCS conferences have never had a team invited to participate, despite having several undefeated seasons among their number since the inception of the system eight years ago. BCS: 16, Non-BCS: ZIP!

Now, the details are lengthy, but in short, this assignment of birthright was determined by traditional alliances of the six BCS conferences with the four largest and most lucrative bowls. The relationships among those conferences and their respective bowl tie-ins have been given paramount importance, effectively foreordaining the outcome of each season for all involved in the sport on this level. Enter the two overarching concerns of college football: "Tradition" (a tradition of negligence from our vantage point, but nevertheless...) and Money.

WAIT A MINUTE. THIS IS COMPLICATED. MY HEAD HURTS.

You're right. It is complicated. And it gets worse every year, because the participants in the National Championship game do not earn a place therein through exemplary performance on the field of competition, but are instead selected by a couple of polls and by six computer programs! Now, this may come as a shock to those who may be less technologically savvy, but computers aren't particularly good at comprehending the finer nuances of pigskin play, and they even occasionally make mistakes when promoting apparently undeserving teams to the Championship game. Fortunately, here is where the BCS administration really shines: Every year, when their ridiculous computers pick the wrong (but always BCS conference) teams again, the BCS steps right in to save the day by adjusting a few algorithms! That's right! They don't do the obvious thing and admit that the players should determine who wins and therefore quickly install a playoff tournament; instead, they shout out from beneath the hood of the same hopelessly defunct vehicle, "Oh! I think I've found the problem!" And why do they do this? Because it's their favorite ride, and there's still a load of cash in the trunk.

SPEAKING OF THE MONEY...

...Have you seen any of it recently? Because we certainly haven't. That may be partially due to the fact that the BCS conferences collected just over 92% of all post-season payout funds in 2005-06. More precisely, the six BCS conferences were paid an incredible $175 MILLION in this year's post-season, while the five Non-BCS conferences received a total 2005-06 bowl payout of less than $15 million. Unbelievably, this is merely an average outcome for the Division I post-season. This crazy system even guarantees Notre Dame $1.3 million IF THEY CAN'T QUALIFY FOR A BOWL OF ANY KIND! They'd get a million bucks for a winless season, while an undefeated Non-BCS team would be fortunate to get the same payout to be shared among all members of their conference! How can anyone call this a fair and just system?

THE BCS SMOKESCREEN

Here's a fun exercise for you: Go to the BCS' official website (you're going to have to look it up, because we're certainly not going to link them here), read about how their system actually works, then come back and explain to us exactly how the next two teams will be selected for the 2006 National Championship game. Take your time. We'll wait.

Hmmmm...

So, how'd it go?

What? You say you read the whole thing, and you still don't know how the champions are picked?! But now you're an expert on how to get a BCS BOWL SELECTION, aren't you? That's because the BCS wants us to believe that we have somehow accomplished a significant and miraculous thing just by getting an invitation to one of their stupid bowls. But we don't want a bowl. We want a National Championship! And they're certainly not going to give that chance to us! The dangling of a mere bowl invitation is a diversion and a smokescreen! Don't fall for it! (Sorry, Utah, but you deserved better.)

ONE MORE TIME FOR THE KIDDIES

8 Years since the inception of the BCS

63 lucrative BCS bowl appearances for the 6 BCS conferences, 1 appearance for the 5 Non-BCS conferences

16 National Championship appearances for the BCS teams, 0 for Non-BCS

8 BCS-team-inscribed National Championship trophies, 0 Non-BCS

HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS DISCREPANCY IN POST-SEASON PAYOUTS BETWEEN THE BCS AND NON-BCS CONFERENCES

FEEL LIKE A VICTIM, YET? Yeah. Us, too.